Only the Love Remains, by 'coasterwigs'

Only the Love Remains, by 'coasterwigs'

Postby chelynnah » Sun Dec 14, 2008 10:52 pm

Only the Love Remains

I look at you now and you don't seem old. I still see the eight-week-old puppy you once were. Thirteen years have passed. You have seen the milestones of my life: first grownup job, love, and marriage. Were we ever that young and thin? We have grown older and plumper together. You love me just the same.

We have learned from your illness. You have learned to position yourself in the hallway to better monitor my movements throughout the house. You follow me now with your eyes, not your body. I still automatically glance down to make sure I don't run into you. I wonder if I always will. And I have learned how many minutes I can be out of your sight before you are compelled to lift your weary body and come in search of me. I rush back when I hear you stir, to reassure you I am right here. I will always be right here, even when you are gone.

I want to take you and leave this place. Just get in the car and drive away. Can we outrun the shots and pills and ointments? I want to try. I want never to see the vet's office, the pharmacy or your medication schedule again. Is there a place for us?

The cat knows something is wrong. He keeps sniffing you, trying to figure out what. I know he will not understand what is going to happen. He has never known a world without you in it. How will I comfort him, when I will not be comforted?

I wonder if I will ever be whole again. I have been drained for so long; I don't remember what it is like to be unafraid. Before this, I considered myself a strong person. How wrong I was. I am crushed under the enormity of it all.

I worry all the time now. Are you in pain? Am I being selfish to keep you with me? I am not strong enough to do what must be done. Maybe tomorrow. I need more time. Soon only the love will remain.

by 'coasterwigs'

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