Interpreting the Standard

Interpreting the Standard

Postby chelynnah » Mon Dec 15, 2008 2:12 am




Interpreting the Standard

ANGULATION:
Degree to which dog handlers will bend over backwards
to impress the judges

BALANCE:
How to arrange the cheque book so your spouse
won't know how much money you spent on dog shows last month.
Usually done in the bathroom with the door locked.

BITCH:
a) Name for a lady dog.
b) Name often overheard at dog shows, not always to
describe a lady dog.

COAT:
The hairy covering of a dog that usually falls out
about one week before the Specialty show.

DAM:
a) A lady dog with children.
b) Expression frequently overheard at dog shows as
losers leave the ring.

ELBOW:
Method of getting to ringside when late.

EXPRESSION:
"Sweet" look adopted by dogs while staring ravenously
at chunks of liver.

FANCIER:
Degree to which some gentlemen handlers dress
more than others.

FEATHERING:
What winners are accused of doing to Judges' nests.

FRONT:
Part of the dog often stacked toward the
outside of the ring.

HEEL:
a ) What you feel like when your dog beats the one you
had just sold to an eager novice.
b) Expression often screamed to attract the attention
of deaf dogs.

HEIGHT:
As in "Maximum Allowed," a measurement which all
champions fall under by AT LEAST 1/8 inch.

HOCK:
A way of financing your dog shows by the use of
jewellery such as wedding rings.

KENNEL:
Where you go when the lads fight and your spouse
yells at you.

LITTER:
Trash left all over the building and parking lot
after a dog show.

MASK:
What to wear when you have to show the pet you sold
six months ago.

MUZZLE:
What to put on your kids at a dog show to prevent them
from calling your competition what they overheard you call
him last night.

NOSEPRINTS:
Cute marks left all over your French doors.

OUTCROSSING:
What your spouse tells the minister you are doing
out in the kennel with the dog and the bitch.

POINTS:
Minute, invisible awards for winning which you cannot
convince your spouse are more important than cash prizes.

PUPPIES:
Small, dog-like food-processing machines with the
ability to stink up an entire house and collectively deafen a band of
magpies, (these creatures have not yet been perfected, as
they come with a leaky system, and can also be dangerous to weak
hearts and bank accounts).



User avatar
chelynnah
WW Manager
 
Posts: 10380
Joined: Tue Nov 25, 2008 4:31 pm
Location: Dorset, England (originally Ontario, Canada)
Whippet Archives Link: 7231

Return to Writings - Favorite Poems, Prayers, Quotes & Stories

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest