In the Beginning

In the Beginning

Postby chelynnah » Mon Dec 15, 2008 2:14 am

In The Beginning

On the 1st day, God created the Whippet

On the 2nd day, God created man to serve the Whippet

On the 3rd day, God created the animals of the earth to serve as potential food for the Whippet

On the 4th day, God created honest toil so that man could labour for the good of the Whippet

On the 5th day, God created the tennis ball, so that the Whippet might or might not retrieve it

On the 6th day, God created veterinary science to keep the Whippet healthy and the man broke

On the 7th day, God tried to rest, but he had to walk the Whippet …

alternative continuation...

On the eighth day, God believeth that He was done, but Lo! The Garden of Eden was full of Whippet poop and craters. Adam & Eve, having been banished from the Garden, no longer dwelleth therein to serve the Whippet, so it came to pass that He had to clean the mess up Himself. And God was displeased.

On the ninth day, God sayeth unto the Heavens, "Who hath domain here, me or the Whippet"?

On the tenth day, God came upon the Whippet cockroached upon His Throne and abideth there unmoving, despite all His beseeching. And so it came to pass that God had His answer.

He then sayeth unto Moses, "Fine, you are in charge now, here are my 10 Commandments. You deal with the Whippet, I'm retiring to Miami Beach!" And Moses convinced Pharaoh to let the Israelites go out of bondage in Egypt and journey to the Promised Land.

God sayeth unto Moses, "The Promised Land shall be yours, but you must take the Whippet with you." And so it came to pass that the Israelites wandered for 40 years in the wilderness, waiting for the Whippet to go potty, mark every bush and sniff every blade of grass in its domain. And the Whippet was fruitful and multiplied.

The people were taken by the comeliness and manner of the Whippet, but were sorely distressed. "Lord", they cried out, "The Whippet is an attractive and sweet creature, but there are so many, what shall we do?" And God sayeth unto the people, "Ye are the cursed people and shall be known as adopters! Thy yards shall be barren of grass. Thy dwellings shall overflow with dog beds, squeaky toys and Whippet kitsch. Thy carpets shall be forever stained. Thy vet bills shall be large and thy lives forever ordered around by the Whippets. And thy minds shall be muddled, as thou shalt treat the Whippet as thou do thy human offspring."

And Adopters begat Chippers. And Chippers begat Fosterers. And Fosterers begat Adoption Groups. And Adoption Groups begat Discussion Lists. And Discussion Lists begat Gatherings. And Gatherings begat Vendors. And Vendors begat a wardrobe for the Whippet.

And the Whippet was spoiled. God looked down on this and was pleased.

-Author Unknown

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